The Notebook of a clown

The clown work was really beneficial for me in terms of finding my character's physicality and ease. It also was a good barometer for me to notice my habits, and what is hard for me to "break" once I get on stage. I noticed that throughout the exercise I would repeatedly "fall back" to my usual old habits: strength, sexuality or just yelling. Now some of that sexuality I can use for her, because she does have a certain sensuality to her, that especially attracts Konstantin and Trigorin and I'm sure many other men as well, but I have to be careful not to let it go too far into a more mature, womanly sexuality. I think what makes Nina so sexy is the fact she doesn't know she is. Remember, she is still an adolescent, and this is a big time for her in realizing her own sensuality and what she likes, hence her taking to the older men like Trigorin, Dorn and Sorin-mostly because they can act as the positive Father figure I don't really have.

It tells me a lot that my voice was literally hoarse and sore after we were done...but it never is when we do the scene, and it never was last year when we did Clowns...I think I just pushed to over-compensate for a lack of having the physicality down exactly at that moment.

On the other hand, I think I found a lot of great things and good starting points to continue with for Tuesdays rehearsal. I had an absolute clear opinion of each person I was talking to, and the relationsips were immediate. I knew how I felt about Masha, about Konstantin, and Trigorin, etc...and I didn't have to HIDE or mask anything-because Clowns don't have filters. I said what I meant, how I wanted to say it, and I dared not apologize for it. It was such a liberating experience, and one that will for sure help in the performing something such as Chekhov where you cannot play the subtext or there is no inner conflict, and so often the character's demeanor is so opposite of what they are saying.

I found the clown work to be especially handy during my long speech. Again, it was helpful to see the 'true' reactions of my peers and of the family I love and respect so much, and that gave me the impetus to perform more for them and earn their acceptance in return.

I wish we would have gotten around to Tyree and I's final scene because I'm sure a lot would come out of their relationship, but we are going to try and get together and do something...

I LOVE CLOWNS!

--Daisy